Just in Case You Asked

For those who know me and for those I have yet to meet, I am often asked just what it is that I do for a living. Clearly, I am not old enough to retire, but yet I am young enough to work. If only that were true. I would give anything to be able to continue to work at my chosen profession as a registered nurse, but I cannot. You see, in 1997 I became ill with what was somewhat of a mysterious illness at that point in time. It took a couple of years to diagnose after multiple consults with all kinds of doctors. But finally, the accurate diagnosis came. By any means, it was not good news, and especially not for someone in the prime of their life. I was given the diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome with Fibromyalgia.

At the age of 37, that is not a diagnosis you want to hear. This is the case especially, because at that time, little was known about the disease process. Most people, including many medical personnel had never even heard of it. I must admit, that Fibromyalgia was a new word for me even as a nurse of nearly 16 years. Unfortunately, over time I would come to know exactly what it was and what it meant to have such a diagnosis.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a collection of symptoms that manifests itself in multiple ways. So as not to bore you to tears, it is basically overwhelming fatigue with symptoms like the flu that feel like they just never went away. Anyone who has ever had the flu knows what that is like. In the other instance, Fibromyalgia is overwhelming pain in most of the body that never will ever go away as long as one shall live. Like I said, not good news.

Aside from the obvious toll illnesses such as these take on a human life in the physical aspects, what they do to the human spirit is much more damaging. Due to the fact that it is very difficult to get a diagnosis due to the complexity and involvement of the entire human body, it has no known cause. There isn't a whole lot of effective treatment, either. Often, one is told they are just plain crazy because there is no single test, x-ray, CT Scan, MRI, Ultrasound or blood test that these illnesses will ever show up on. So, a doctor must make a diagnosis based on symptoms and the testimony of the patient. In other words, they just have to listen to you and believe what you are saying. Imagine that.

Personally, I can't ever imagine that anyone in their right mind or in a crazy one for that matter, would ever want to have anything to do with these illnesses. Of course, they are all quite quick to say that none of these things will ever kill you, at least physically anyway. But, they forget that there is much more to a living, breathing person than just the physical body. You see, illnesses like these do kill. It just takes a little longer. Moment by moment, day by day, year after year a piece of you dies. It is like being in a constant state of grief as you watch your career disappear, your finances crumble, your friends and family give up and abandon you while you suffer one day after the next. Part of the problem is that when you have these illnesses, you still look okay on the outside. So, they say, "how could you be so sick if you look so good"? My answer to that is, "turn me inside out then".

So, there you have it. As time goes on, more and more people all over the world are receiving these diagnosis. CFS and Fibromyalgia have been proven to be as disabling as severe rheumatoid arthritis. Inability to work, poverty and prejudice combined makes for a not so great life. I often hear, "Well, have a positive attitude. It will make all the difference". Really??? Walk one day in my shoes, and see if you still say that.